Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
