i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
