I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
