the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
