i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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