Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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