Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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