His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
