Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
