Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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