Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
