You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
