Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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