Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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