i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found your dick twin last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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