I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize