wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
