I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
