me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she looked like the before picture.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
