It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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