he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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