No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
