he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
