Apparently you make a good broom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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