I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
