Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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