what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
