one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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