bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
