look no pants
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
