I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a beard to bite.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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