so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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