Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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