when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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