Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
