Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
