Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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