Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
