Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
