Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
