Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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