and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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