By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
