What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
