I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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