Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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