I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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