this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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