I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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