I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
