I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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