id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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