We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
