New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
