i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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