but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
