I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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