White coat. Heels.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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