Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
