I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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