you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
