This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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