You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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