I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
