Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
