...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The adults are the big ones right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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