ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
