absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
