I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
