and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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