Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
