sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
